Author John Scalzi was on a roll this morning (currently 7:14 AM, 26 Sept. 2014) with a tweet he found from some guy sending out an “ultimatum” to women to “make a choice” between feminism and, well, men like him. So Scalzi launched into a truly magnificent set of scorchers, which I’m posting here for the delectation of people everywhere.
Also: I would like to thank that guy for setting the ultimatum. It makes finding a boyfriend so much easier when the undesirable ones wear a placard identifying themselves.
Anonymous said: "It's a metaphor" I have no doubt that you completely understand and stand by this statement that the act of putting an unlit cigarette in Augustus Waters' mouth is in fact a metaphor. But for some folks, we don't see it asa metaphor, we see it as situational irony, or a simple statement. Please explain how it is a metaphor.
Well, a character in a novel saying that something is a metaphor is not the same thing as the author of the novel saying that it’s a metaphor. Gus’s intellectual grasp often exceeds his reach (he calls a monologue a soliloquy, and misuses quite a few of the bigger words in his vocabulary). But I do think the cigarette is a metaphor, albeit a different one for us than it is for him.
Gus’s idea is that the cigarette is a metaphor for illness, and he keeps it unlit and in his mouth as an expression of his power over illness. “You put the killing thing between your teeth but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.” Gus’s thinking here is that HE has the power. This is why he tends to use the cigarette when he’s feeling nervous or powerless. (He’s also using the most famous commercially available carcinogen to make this statement, so obviously there’s a connection there in his mind: Humans can prevent cancer by not smoking; cancer is something we can have power over; your job is not to give cancer the power to kill you; etc.)
But of course Gus is wrong about all of this, or at least almost all of it. You may have SOME control over whether you die of cancer (you can choose not to smoke), but in most cases humans don’t have control over illness. “You don’t give it the power to do its killing” imagines more agency over illness than we actually have, because in the end much of the fault is in the stars, not in ourselves. So to us, the unlit cigarette is a metaphor for our false perception of control, and our urgent need to feel in control. It’s no coincidence, then, that when Gus’s life is spiraling out of control and he finds himself powerless before fate, he tries (and fails) to buy cigarettes.
I come home from a six hour drive from Los Angeles back to my house and im fuckin hungry so im gonna make a quesadilla right and i sprinkle the fucking cheese on the tortilla right and i put it in the microwave except the microwaAVE ISNT THERE. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MICROWAVE WHERE THE FUCK IS IT SOMEONEN STOLE MY GODDAMNED MICROWAVE WHILE I WAS VACATIONING. MY TV IS STILL HERE EVERYTHING IS STILL HERE THEY STOLE MY GOIDAMNED MICROWVAE. ITS FUCKING GONE WHAT THE HELL I JUST WANT A GODAMNED MOTHEFUCKING QUESADILLA
Here’s some advice…. learn to use a stove. They taste better that way any way.
jokes on YOU i made thi s post up for notes how do you FEEL
as if taking over a month away from tumblr wasnt hard enough.
I dont know who anyone on my dash is because half of them have changed their URL.